I’ve always been a great listener. Before I studied the science behind life coaching, I was that teacher who totally listened to my students. And they loved me for it.
After I listened, I told kids exactly what they needed to do. But they never took my advice. Stupid kids, right? Nope. Stupid teacher. I was using only half of the formula.
As adults, you know what we rarely do, when trying to help teens? We don’t ask them what their vision is. Help them kick off a plan to smash those barriers.
Have you ever met someone who was truly curious about your life? Who, when you tried to steer the conversation toward them, insisted, “No, I want to hear more about you”?
Ten bucks says after that conversation, you felt great. Like you had the power to do anything. Right? That’s the listening half of coaching.
Then there’s the action half.
Let’s go back to that great listener. Let’s say she’s trained in psychological mountain-climbing. She’s going to hand you the tools you need to get to your personal peak. And she’s going to teach you how to use them.
Next time you’re on a mountain? You’re good, because you’ve proven to yourself you can get past the ice slicks. Plus, you’ve got a backpack full of climbing tools.
As a life coach for teens, I help young people find, and climb, their mountains. I do this by helping them…
» Discover what they want
» Figure out what’s in the way
» Create a plan to get around the obstacles
» Support them as they put that plan into action
Here’s a breakdown of how it works.
Parents often contact me because their child is doing poorly in school. The kid and I can quickly sort out that, for example,
- The kid really does want to do well in school, but
- Test anxiety is killing the kid’s motivation
We would talk about how the circular process of failure, and tweak his process toward the good.
So our process might look like this:
Kid’s thoughts (“I always freak out and fail tests”)—>
create kid’s self-perception (“I am a panicky mess”)—>
creates kid’s feelings (anxiety, hopelessness)—>
create kid’s motivation (zero drive to study, because why bother?)—>
creates kid’s behavior (avoidance via video games; giving up mid-test)—>
creates kid’s results (poor grades on tests and in classes)—>
which reinforce kid’s thoughts (and around we go).
Solution, Via Coaching:
Kid’s new, more-accurate thoughts (“I have experienced test anxiety in the past”)—>
create kid’s self-perception (“I am a person who cares a lot about doing well”)—>
creates kid’s feelings (pride; curiosity about anxiety-reduction tools)—>
create kid’s motivation (driven; excited)—>
creates kid’s behavior (studying; trying new tools)—>
creates kid’s results (improved grades on tests and in classes)—>
which reinforce kid’s thoughts (see above).
And it works. It works like magic. It works like science. It works miracles.